Stutzfamily blog thingie

For most people who have driven in India, there is a glaring omission in the “Rules of the Road” below. Where, oh where is the “Stoplights are Merely a Suggestion” rule? I decided to include it in the next chapter of Bombay Traffic, simply because – just like ogres and onions – there are many layers to that idea.

Stoplights are routinely ignored, leading to harrowing games of chicken, as the “Bigger is Better” rule comes into effect (and its corollary – “Momentum Determines Right-of-Way” – meaning that speed also comes into play). Vehicles will poke their noses into lanes of cross traffic, attempting to create enough of a bottleneck so as to allow them (and other jammed up drivers going the same way) to establish their right to cross the intersection.

The police, when present, are somewhat effective at stopping some of this, as no one likes to have to pay a small “fee,” especially when most of the rupees end up in the cops’ pockets.

A common sight is of a group of officers – sometimes including  women – sitting around on various corners, getting up from time to time to make a stop. They seem to especially like pulling over motorcycles, as they are easy marks for harassment. In any case, just having them around will sometimes discourage red-light-runners.

So with the obvious role of police in trying to stem some of the crazy driving habits, as well as the school’s dedication to following the letter of the law here, we found it curious that our bus drivers routinely blast through red lights and speed on the way to school in the morning, and asked them about it.

The response was hilarious in its simplicity. The drivers said, apparently in all seriousness, “According to Indian law, traffic regulations are not valid before 8am. We are not breaking the regulations, because they don’t apply before that time in the morning.”  What a great idea!

I love the news that runs in the papers here. Not necessarily because it is fun to read or ‘uplifting’ in any way, but because the headlines and stories serve as a constant reminder that Toto is no longer in Kansas. Just as a taste, here are a couple of snippets from recent articles (besides the perennial favorite How to convert urine into drinking water):

• Midgets marry at police station – very important for the public to know.
• 11 injured in septic tank blast - about a public toilet in Mumbai blowing up – not just an urban legend!!
• Police Interrogation Methods – In a print article about an arrested gang:

These gangsters knew around six languages, and spoke in all of them to mislead the investigation. When thrashing did not work, police decided to play quizmasters for several hours…. “When we asked them about their identification, they gave us a new name. We gave them a good beating, but in vain,” said GM Patel, inspector of the Gujurat University police station.

• Compensation for family planning hiked – I was just impressed to find out that India pays people to have vasectomies. Get your male tubes tied and you earn 1,500 rupees – just under $40.
• And two that show the other side of ‘family planning’ here in India: After Sixth Girl, Mother Kills Commits Suicide in Rajkot and and Humiliated, Mother Kills Daughters – a sad commentary on life in India, where women are still held (murdeously) responsible for the gender of their children.
• The previous articles (which are not uncommon in the news) make one wonder about Foetus Slips Out of Moving Train, Safe about a baby who was born into the toilet of a train. Keep in mind that Indian train toilets open directly onto the track, so the kid fell under the train and was left in the middle of the tracks! Of course, the more cynical might note that it was a daughter and wonder just how ‘accidental’ the incident was…
• Third Sex Gets Official Status – but some aspects of Indian life are remarkably forward thinking, including the recognition of the ‘otherly gendered’ as the PC term has it.
• And of course, when all else fails, you can always Ask the Sexpert at the Mumbai Times!